worst of the worst

there's really nothing i hate more than hospitals. i've had more than my share of them, and time in them. to be honest, a major malady can be something of a nice vacation from the woes of real life. some of the nurses aren't to bad either.

but overall, they are really the worst. i mean, let's get past the whole notion of being sick or hurt or in pain. we all know that sucks, but home can be just as crappy if that's the case.

fear is the thing to fear. something like that's been said before, but it's true. hospitals are scary places when you think might never leave it. there aren't many worse feelings than worrying whether that orange jello and chicken broth was a last meal. still that's a real concern, and not the subject of my usual complaints so let's get to the fun superficial problems shall we?

i've already started: the food. jello is a staple. i know it's easy on the stomach, essentially a solid liquid. can't much hurt ya, so they dish it out left and right to everyone from the appendectomies to the colonoscopies. and that's when things really get bad.

hospital food is essentially airplane food, but without the exciting destination at the end. it's rubbish.

then there's the smell of these places. everything is sterile. everything smells sterile. it's odd, it's unnatural, and it makes people uneasy. i'm all for cleanliness, but i'd rather huff lysol and pretend there's a forest in the hallway that breath in that germless air.

another problem: gift shops. if you want overpriced hummels and badly refrigerated flower arrangements, this is the place. otherwise, stay outta there. no one needs to buy candy bars for $2.99.

that just brings me back to food. but in the cafeteria. i've already described the crap they give the sick and dying. you think they dish out anything nicer to the people without problems? yeah, i didn't think so.

what else bothers me about hospitals? cramped parking structures, snooty doctors, labrynthian lobbies, overcrowded elevators, uneducated desk staff, unsympathetic medical staff, and germs around every corner even after the hose down in chemical disinfectant - for starters anyway...

so you can see how apt the title of this post really is. there's a lot i don't like, and there's a lot that i hate. and there'll be a lot more complaining from now on. but all in all, hospitals are the bad of the bad, the worse of the worse, and the worst damn thing many of us will have to face.

columbus day

you know, for all my complaining, one thing i do like is a holiday. before i was retired, i liked to get the day off - i mean who doesn't.

but nowadays, with big corporate business and the tiny globalized world, nothing ever really stops. so holidays are less important and less frequent. so you take something like columbus day. the banks? closed. post office? closed. government offices? closed.

why doesn't everyone else get the day off? why do kids got to go to school? either the day is important enough to recognize or it isn't. someone needs to make up their mind on this. it's the same for a lot of the other holidays. memorial day everyone gets a day off. president's day is a joke. why the discrepancy?

people work too much, and take no time for their families or for themselves. now that's not an excuse to be lazy. but if people had more time to spend with families or be productive in their personal lives, they'd all just be happier. and if you're happy, you don't dread going in to work everyday. that just seems real simple to me.

apparently it's too complicated for everyone else. in any case, i'm taking the day off tomorrow. granted i don't work anymore, so i have every day off, but i'm standing up for my principles. i'm celebrating the discovery of america - even if it didn't actually happen with christopher the way i learned in school. who gives a shit, throw me a beer and let's toast western culture.

it's important to take a day once in a while and enjoy life.

i can't believe i just wrote that sentence.

rocket fuel in my coffee?

you know, i've been drinking coffee for almost fifty years. that cup of good, freshly brewed coffee is sometimes the highlight of my day. what you're surprised that i have a pleasant moment? me too.

coffee used to be cheap. you could go into any restaurant, any diner, anywhere and get a cup for much less than a dollar. i've paid a quarter for a cup of coffee, and probably less in days i can't remember. now it costs $5.

now, i'll complain about the high cost of everything and anything on another day, but for now i'm going to stick to the coffee. i'll admit getting roped into the idea of fresh, tasty, flavorful coffee being served all over the place. i'll admit i buy lots of types to brew at home. i keep it interesting.

but when i go to that chain - you know the one - it seems like there is someting extra in that cup. it costs more, it's tastes different, and it feels like someone has injected adrenaline into my heart. i know, i've heard the myths about special roasting methods that make the caffeine stronger. that's bullshit. there's some sort of illicit substance in this stuff that makes me move like oprah chasing a baked ham.

i can't decide if i like the sensation that life is blurringly slower than i am, and if i'm on the fence, that means it gets a complaint.

i don't remember the exact point of posting about this now, but i know i have to paint the garage, take out the garbage, mend the fence, feed the hogs, perform arthroscopic surgery on my buddy's knee, compose a symphony, and read the encyclopedia... in the next hour or so.

double wide

what the hell is with these double wide strollers? maybe the first question should be, "why are some of these kids even in strollers?" if you can walk, you don't need a stroller. when my kids were really little, and tripping over their own feet they were in a stroller. once they could walk, unless we were planning to be travelling for a few miles (like walking around disney world for three days) then they walked on their own.

but for some reason now, strollers are the limos of spoiled brats. i consistently see nannies "walking" the kids in this way. for the fresh air? i just don't get it. some of these kids are way to big and tall and able to be sitting in these things... but that's not even the biggest problem i see.

if you wanna teach your kid to be a lazy shit, that's your problem. but when you get in my way, that becomes my problem. we couldn't afford some of those fancy strollers when my kids were that small, but i'd seen the ones that were big and took two kids. one in front, one in back, two kids fighting over the damned seat. sometimes they both wanted the front, sometimes the back. either way, you were gonna have two kids fighting. what's the solution?

double wide strollers, where the kids sit side by side. this is just stupid. what happens when you are pushing one of these oversided loads down the sidewalk? everybody else has to jump for cover as you roll on through. they take up the whole sidewalk. why the hell are you walking your kids in the first place? where i'm walking is no place that kids need to travel. i think brat #1 and brat #2's mommy has told the nanny to get them fresh air. instead of watching them play, they strap 'em in the double wide, and power walk around the neighborhood. usually i see a few nannies with an army of strollers. it reminds me of dog walkers.

the point is, the damned strollers get in everybody's way. make the kids walk. but if you can't, don't use a contraption that needs a cow catcher to spare pedestrians from a massive collision.

i won't even go into the details of what happens when a north going stroller meets a south going stroller on the same sidewalk. mass carnage. mass carnage.

apologies

one think i hate is when a show i like to watch goes on hiatus over the summer. i can't stand to sit there and watch reruns. so i have to wait, and almost forget about it. but then it comes back in the fall and sucks me in again.

its a nasty trick they pull to get you involved again by making everything look shiny and new and different and exciting. so that has nothing to do with this new artwork that Tim has added to all of us on insomniac's paradise. nothing at all.

sorry for the delay, but i've been dealing with a lot of tough stuff over the summer, which i'll be complaining about really, really soon. in the meantime, i've got something more mundane to yap about...

blisters

i am in too much pain to think, so you'll have to forgive the post. i hurt in just about every way that you can hurt, but i'll avoid most of the description, except with one particular part which i shall attempt to explain to you, in my best descriptive language, the way i have strained, ached, and wrought my body over the last few days.

my feet ache... the arches burn with vitually every step that i take... to make matters worse, the flattened tooties of mine have been strained to the point that the pressure from the top of the feet has begun to cause a new pain in the bones of the foot... in reaction to having flat feet of course...

but ooh, so much worse... the blisters... i have 6 blisters on my feet. 4 of them are tiny, but 2 are large. i popped them, to relieve the pressure, but as the ooze came forth, one of the blisters left a small gash of exposed under-flesh. strangely enough, this tiny exposed piece is perhaps the most painful part of my body at the moment. to make this more clear, i will continue.

so this part of my foot, starts to sting, and soon his brethern blisters follow in providing nothing buy pain. i stepped into the shower (so as to wash up and avoid infection of course - i'm no fool) and the pain only worsened. each tiny droplet of water was a dagger in the side of my feet. imagine taking a nail and repeatedly stabbing yourself in the foot. this is what the first three minutes of my shower were like. in fact, at one point the pain was so strong, that i almost passed out.

that sounds like ridiculous exaggeration, but it wasn't. i felt a short wave of nausea, and then suddenly my knees went weak, and i thought i might actually fall. luckily it was gone in seconds, and the pain soon washed away (no pun intended). it continued to sting, but nothing like those first few moments. band-aided up nicely, i was secure in the knowledge that i could just prop those babies up and fall asleep.

you might be wondering how i got the blisters, and why i'm not complaining about it - and to that i simply say: all in good time.

for now though, all you must know is how much i hate blisters. i hate them worse when they rip apart leaving skinless flesh. i don't anticipate any disagreement on this one.

blisters. they aren't fun.

absence & custom jobs

so i gotta apologize for taking so long to get back to this thing. it's funny that i wanted to complain everyday, but it can take a lot out of you when you're trying to find something. anyway, i want to get back to my complaints, because i think it only makes me feel better. i know that's surprising to hear, but my family thinks i'm less crabby when i'm writting about the stuff that bothers me.

i don't know if i like that idea yet or not, but i'm going to keep complaining because that's what i do.

the latest thing to bug me is customized license plates. what the hell is the point of doing it today really? everybody that has one usually puts something that sheds light on their below average intelligence anyway.

some people put their name. hello! do you want everyone in town to know that you were the jackass that cut them off? do you want cops to zero in on reading something on your ass when deciding to pull you over at random? gimme a break.

some people put their dog's name on it, or some other pet. that's cute. that's also retarded. you want to drive around with the word "spike", "rex", "muffy", "ringo" or something on your car? it's ridiculous.

most people though try to be clever and come up with some sort of unique phrasing. X L ENT or SOCOOL or IMB4U. we get it, you're clever. i'll be honest, it makes me less likely to bump you while parking behind you, but more likely to spit in your car if its a convertible.