Old Crabby's Complaints

worst of the worst

2007-01-21T02:20:00.000-05:00

there's really nothing i hate more than hospitals. i've had more than my share of them, and time in them. to be honest, a major malady can be something of a nice vacation from the woes of real life. some of the nurses aren't to bad either.

but overall, they are really the worst. i mean, let's get past the whole notion of being sick or hurt or in pain. we all know that sucks, but home can be just as crappy if that's the case.

fear is the thing to fear. something like that's been said before, but it's true. hospitals are scary places when you think might never leave it. there aren't many worse feelings than worrying whether that orange jello and chicken broth was a last meal. still that's a real concern, and not the subject of my usual complaints so let's get to the fun superficial problems shall we?

i've already started: the food. jello is a staple. i know it's easy on the stomach, essentially a solid liquid. can't much hurt ya, so they dish it out left and right to everyone from the appendectomies to the colonoscopies. and that's when things really get bad.

hospital food is essentially airplane food, but without the exciting destination at the end. it's rubbish.

then there's the smell of these places. everything is sterile. everything smells sterile. it's odd, it's unnatural, and it makes people uneasy. i'm all for cleanliness, but i'd rather huff lysol and pretend there's a forest in the hallway that breath in that germless air.

another problem: gift shops. if you want overpriced hummels and badly refrigerated flower arrangements, this is the place. otherwise, stay outta there. no one needs to buy candy bars for $2.99.

that just brings me back to food. but in the cafeteria. i've already described the crap they give the sick and dying. you think they dish out anything nicer to the people without problems? yeah, i didn't think so.

what else bothers me about hospitals? cramped parking structures, snooty doctors, labrynthian lobbies, overcrowded elevators, uneducated desk staff, unsympathetic medical staff, and germs around every corner even after the hose down in chemical disinfectant - for starters anyway...

so you can see how apt the title of this post really is. there's a lot i don't like, and there's a lot that i hate. and there'll be a lot more complaining from now on. but all in all, hospitals are the bad of the bad, the worse of the worse, and the worst damn thing many of us will have to face.

columbus day

2006-10-08T22:48:00.000-04:00

you know, for all my complaining, one thing i do like is a holiday. before i was retired, i liked to get the day off - i mean who doesn't.

but nowadays, with big corporate business and the tiny globalized world, nothing ever really stops. so holidays are less important and less frequent. so you take something like columbus day. the banks? closed. post office? closed. government offices? closed.

why doesn't everyone else get the day off? why do kids got to go to school? either the day is important enough to recognize or it isn't. someone needs to make up their mind on this. it's the same for a lot of the other holidays. memorial day everyone gets a day off. president's day is a joke. why the discrepancy?

people work too much, and take no time for their families or for themselves. now that's not an excuse to be lazy. but if people had more time to spend with families or be productive in their personal lives, they'd all just be happier. and if you're happy, you don't dread going in to work everyday. that just seems real simple to me.

apparently it's too complicated for everyone else. in any case, i'm taking the day off tomorrow. granted i don't work anymore, so i have every day off, but i'm standing up for my principles. i'm celebrating the discovery of america - even if it didn't actually happen with christopher the way i learned in school. who gives a shit, throw me a beer and let's toast western culture.

it's important to take a day once in a while and enjoy life.

i can't believe i just wrote that sentence.

rocket fuel in my coffee?

2006-10-06T13:10:00.000-04:00

you know, i've been drinking coffee for almost fifty years. that cup of good, freshly brewed coffee is sometimes the highlight of my day. what you're surprised that i have a pleasant moment? me too.

coffee used to be cheap. you could go into any restaurant, any diner, anywhere and get a cup for much less than a dollar. i've paid a quarter for a cup of coffee, and probably less in days i can't remember. now it costs $5.

now, i'll complain about the high cost of everything and anything on another day, but for now i'm going to stick to the coffee. i'll admit getting roped into the idea of fresh, tasty, flavorful coffee being served all over the place. i'll admit i buy lots of types to brew at home. i keep it interesting.

but when i go to that chain - you know the one - it seems like there is someting extra in that cup. it costs more, it's tastes different, and it feels like someone has injected adrenaline into my heart. i know, i've heard the myths about special roasting methods that make the caffeine stronger. that's bullshit. there's some sort of illicit substance in this stuff that makes me move like oprah chasing a baked ham.

i can't decide if i like the sensation that life is blurringly slower than i am, and if i'm on the fence, that means it gets a complaint.

i don't remember the exact point of posting about this now, but i know i have to paint the garage, take out the garbage, mend the fence, feed the hogs, perform arthroscopic surgery on my buddy's knee, compose a symphony, and read the encyclopedia... in the next hour or so.

double wide

2006-09-09T07:35:00.000-04:00

what the hell is with these double wide strollers? maybe the first question should be, "why are some of these kids even in strollers?" if you can walk, you don't need a stroller. when my kids were really little, and tripping over their own feet they were in a stroller. once they could walk, unless we were planning to be travelling for a few miles (like walking around disney world for three days) then they walked on their own.

but for some reason now, strollers are the limos of spoiled brats. i consistently see nannies "walking" the kids in this way. for the fresh air? i just don't get it. some of these kids are way to big and tall and able to be sitting in these things... but that's not even the biggest problem i see.

if you wanna teach your kid to be a lazy shit, that's your problem. but when you get in my way, that becomes my problem. we couldn't afford some of those fancy strollers when my kids were that small, but i'd seen the ones that were big and took two kids. one in front, one in back, two kids fighting over the damned seat. sometimes they both wanted the front, sometimes the back. either way, you were gonna have two kids fighting. what's the solution?

double wide strollers, where the kids sit side by side. this is just stupid. what happens when you are pushing one of these oversided loads down the sidewalk? everybody else has to jump for cover as you roll on through. they take up the whole sidewalk. why the hell are you walking your kids in the first place? where i'm walking is no place that kids need to travel. i think brat #1 and brat #2's mommy has told the nanny to get them fresh air. instead of watching them play, they strap 'em in the double wide, and power walk around the neighborhood. usually i see a few nannies with an army of strollers. it reminds me of dog walkers.

the point is, the damned strollers get in everybody's way. make the kids walk. but if you can't, don't use a contraption that needs a cow catcher to spare pedestrians from a massive collision.

i won't even go into the details of what happens when a north going stroller meets a south going stroller on the same sidewalk. mass carnage. mass carnage.

apologies

2006-09-09T07:32:00.000-04:00

one think i hate is when a show i like to watch goes on hiatus over the summer. i can't stand to sit there and watch reruns. so i have to wait, and almost forget about it. but then it comes back in the fall and sucks me in again.

its a nasty trick they pull to get you involved again by making everything look shiny and new and different and exciting. so that has nothing to do with this new artwork that Tim has added to all of us on insomniac's paradise. nothing at all.

sorry for the delay, but i've been dealing with a lot of tough stuff over the summer, which i'll be complaining about really, really soon. in the meantime, i've got something more mundane to yap about...

blisters

2006-05-16T17:16:00.000-04:00

i am in too much pain to think, so you'll have to forgive the post. i hurt in just about every way that you can hurt, but i'll avoid most of the description, except with one particular part which i shall attempt to explain to you, in my best descriptive language, the way i have strained, ached, and wrought my body over the last few days.

my feet ache... the arches burn with vitually every step that i take... to make matters worse, the flattened tooties of mine have been strained to the point that the pressure from the top of the feet has begun to cause a new pain in the bones of the foot... in reaction to having flat feet of course...

but ooh, so much worse... the blisters... i have 6 blisters on my feet. 4 of them are tiny, but 2 are large. i popped them, to relieve the pressure, but as the ooze came forth, one of the blisters left a small gash of exposed under-flesh. strangely enough, this tiny exposed piece is perhaps the most painful part of my body at the moment. to make this more clear, i will continue.

so this part of my foot, starts to sting, and soon his brethern blisters follow in providing nothing buy pain. i stepped into the shower (so as to wash up and avoid infection of course - i'm no fool) and the pain only worsened. each tiny droplet of water was a dagger in the side of my feet. imagine taking a nail and repeatedly stabbing yourself in the foot. this is what the first three minutes of my shower were like. in fact, at one point the pain was so strong, that i almost passed out.

that sounds like ridiculous exaggeration, but it wasn't. i felt a short wave of nausea, and then suddenly my knees went weak, and i thought i might actually fall. luckily it was gone in seconds, and the pain soon washed away (no pun intended). it continued to sting, but nothing like those first few moments. band-aided up nicely, i was secure in the knowledge that i could just prop those babies up and fall asleep.

you might be wondering how i got the blisters, and why i'm not complaining about it - and to that i simply say: all in good time.

for now though, all you must know is how much i hate blisters. i hate them worse when they rip apart leaving skinless flesh. i don't anticipate any disagreement on this one.

blisters. they aren't fun.

absence & custom jobs

2006-04-23T12:28:00.000-04:00

so i gotta apologize for taking so long to get back to this thing. it's funny that i wanted to complain everyday, but it can take a lot out of you when you're trying to find something. anyway, i want to get back to my complaints, because i think it only makes me feel better. i know that's surprising to hear, but my family thinks i'm less crabby when i'm writting about the stuff that bothers me.

i don't know if i like that idea yet or not, but i'm going to keep complaining because that's what i do.

the latest thing to bug me is customized license plates. what the hell is the point of doing it today really? everybody that has one usually puts something that sheds light on their below average intelligence anyway.

some people put their name. hello! do you want everyone in town to know that you were the jackass that cut them off? do you want cops to zero in on reading something on your ass when deciding to pull you over at random? gimme a break.

some people put their dog's name on it, or some other pet. that's cute. that's also retarded. you want to drive around with the word "spike", "rex", "muffy", "ringo" or something on your car? it's ridiculous.

most people though try to be clever and come up with some sort of unique phrasing. X L ENT or SOCOOL or IMB4U. we get it, you're clever. i'll be honest, it makes me less likely to bump you while parking behind you, but more likely to spit in your car if its a convertible.

idiots walking

2006-02-11T22:57:00.000-05:00

ok, this one is easy to talk about, because i know a whole bunch of you have the same feeling of hatred toward stupid people who walk in front of cares. yesterday, i'm in a cab - we'll get to my feeling on cabs another day - and waiting at an intersection. the light changes to our favor, when these morons start walking directly in front of the car. now, i'm all for the pedestrian's right of way, but if you're so stupid to stand there and watch what's going on, and then try to cross when it's obvious that it's not the time to do so, well - frankly you desereve to get injured by the moving vehicles.

they move quite fast you totally unaware bozos. again, a mistake is one thing, not paying attention is something that happens to the best of us. i'm talking about people who just think if they walk in front of the car, it will stop, because they are on foot. it's a nice theory, but like communism, only nice in theory.

this is the problem with darwinian evolotion today. natural selection doesn't have a change to act on the stupid people until they've already reproduced.

candy

2006-01-20T21:32:00.000-05:00

i'll make this short and sweet - no pun intended. mostly because i don't actually hate candy, but because i just hate it when the damn stuff gets stuck in your teeth. i can brush an acre and floss a mile, and some of that chewy, fruity type stuff just won't get outta there.

yeah, yeah, it's an exaggeration, but it still annoys me to no end. i guess i'll have to lay off the stuff, but it's usually one of the only things that keeps me from complaining.

ironic isn't it?

holidays

2006-01-14T16:30:00.000-05:00

well now that we're well into january, i can more or less safely say that we've finished with the holiday season. thank goodness for that. i can't stand the mess that the end of the year brings. i'll admit it's nice to see the kids and stuff, that i don't mind too much, but all the other crap that comes along with it is just too much.

nevermind the malls with ridiculus decorations and music and creepy middle-aged men wearing costumes so little kids can sit on their laps, so they can earn enough extra income to buy that bottle of scotch at the end of the month and lapse themselves into an alcohol-induced coma, prevent themselves from jumping out a window. but i digress.

nevermind the consumerism and the fact that i see approximately 7 billion advertisements on tv, in magazines and newspaper, on billboards telling me what to buy to make me and my family happy for the season. it's as though buying up every flavor of coffee, every breakfast cereal, and every blueberry yogurt will suddenly make it a happy holiday season. it's as if buying the christmas car seat covers, hannukka sunglasses, kwanza table clothes, and ramadan pencil set will bring me extra holiday joy. it's like they're telling me that if i have money in my bank account at the end of the year, i might as well be Ebeneezer Scrooge. Bah, humbug.

nevermind the over-decorating idiots who spend a few extra hundred bucks to put twinkling lights all over their house, so they can brag about it to compensate for their bratty kids, cheating wives, and crappy jobs, and so they can spend a few hundred more on the electric bill to complain to their dying pets, cranky neighbors, and alcoholic mailman.

nevermind the fact that kids are out of school and running around all over the place. (i'll save the annoyance with children for another evening). and nevermind that i can't buy a gallon of milk at the grocery store or a pair of sox at the department store, or a freakin' bag of dogfood at the petstore without waiting in overcrowded lines of people buying extra shit for themselves and their loved ones.

nevermind that all the holidays, including thankgsiving and new years are all squished into 50 days to make it that much worse for us all, and depriving us of some much needed time off of work on days that don't start with november or december or january.

nevermind that entire family is expected to come together, even drunken uncle charlie, and that weird cousin with the parakeet, and your great, great, great, grand-aunt (who is really just a homeless woman who crept into your family years ago when no one noticed) and then gourge yourself on holiday treats, huge meals, candy, and egg nog.

i kinda like the egg nog, if there's booze in it.

nevermind that you spend a fortunte on presents that everyone exchanges the next day because it's too big or too green or too ugly or too doesn't work. and nevermind that you want to exchange the same crap, but will get hassled if you make a peep.

nevermind that at the end of every day you're more tired than when you began it.

nevermind the specials on tv.

nevermind the pressure to be nice.

nevermind.

here comes the snow

2005-12-09T11:19:00.000-05:00

great. here it comes. i feel bad for the people in the midwest who got hammered the last few days. more importantly though i feel bad for me. i don't need this cold weather, and i definitely don't need the damned snow.

it piles up, makes messes, causes accidents, slows things down, starts to look like sewage after a few cars have driven past. disgusting. i remember shoveling that shit back when i was a kid. the driveway would fill up quick. sometimes i'd be stuck shoveling at night, so that when i'd have to shovel in the morning it wouldn't be as hard. that sucked.

you know, some people think the snow is pretty. and it is pretty for a few minutes. then it's just a pain in the ass. driving around is atrociuos. and travel becomes dangerous now that i think about it. then we become worried about loved ones (even the ones we complain about, for me that's all of them).

snow. sleet. ice. hail. none of them bring any good. it's the worst part of the season. no, the cold is worse. no the snow. it doesn't matter - they are forever linked as winter obstacles i wish i could avoid.

and hey, don't start telling me to go back to Boca. just because i have some family who were smart enough to head down there, doesn't mean i'm ready to be put to pasture. actually, i think i'd be more partial to arizona, and the nice dry heat. but there are a lot of cacti in arizona.

don't get me started on cacti...

i'm not a happy camper

2005-12-08T16:14:00.000-05:00

ok, so i generally consider myself to be relatively happy. but i have my moments where i derive most pleasure from the pure complaints of all life around me. it might sound absurd, but i truly gain joy by complaining. that's not even half of it though, i find ways to complain even about things that i like, and frankly i'm bored with complaining about stuff all on my own.

i want you to complain with me. well, you're not ready yet. i haven't gotten the ball rolling. but i will get it going, and going, and going. i hope you'll join me along the way.

basically, i'll just tell you what i'm pissed off about, and hopefully you'll agree, disagree, etc. i think people enjoy sounding off on the internet. that's pretty much the only thing people do other than check movie times and surf porn anyway.

so join me in the complaining. let's see what we can do to make others miserable.

you didn't expect me to want to fix things did you? then what would we have to complain about?